all i can say is that i’ve learned what loving someone means.

i’m literally sitting here depressed out of my fucking mind B. i’m going crazy right now.

this shit isnt even cool. I’ve been through all the worst shit you can imagine, i’ve lost my sister, my uncle, my grandmother, friends and other family members within a year’s time frame. I met someone who changed my life, and i was happy. the start of my junior year was rocky, then i met her, and i had never been so happy before. i cut EVERY single girl off that i was talking to just to be with her. i literally left my ways of having more than one girl, just to be with this one. and you know what, that shit was the best decision i’ve ever made in my life. she met my family, she met my moms, my other sister, my nieces, my cousins, my aunts, everyone that was important to me. she met my father, even my great aunts. and i never though i’d be the one to bring someone around my family like that, and show her off like yes, she’s mine, she’s everything i’ve dreamed of, and i don’t ever want to be without her. but somewhere along the line, i let things get in the way. granted, she was of mixed descent, and i thought it would be cool with her parents that we were together, but it wasn’t, and i let that get to me. i let that get in the way of every single thing we had worked for, and i let that get in the way of our relationship, our perfect relationship, well, perfect in my eyes. i honestly thought i found the one with her. the first night i kissed her, i knew i was in love, it wasn’t even a question. and you know what, i fucking loved it B. i loved being in love with her. i loved the fact that she was the first and last person i spoke to. no other female even mattered B. they didn’t mean shit, and I loved how that felt. the fact that i brought her around my friends, and went to parties with her, holding her hand everywhere, people were fucking jealous of us, people wanted to have the type of relationship we had, and you know that shit was the best thing that ever happened to me. and I let some ignorance get in the way. i let it fuck me up, and i let it bother me. and i’m sure you can agree, that i had every right to be upset that i brought her around my family but i had to be continuously hidden for over a year. i’m sure you think that that’s not the only reason shit happened, but i’m telling you, that shit bothered me. i literally didn’t know what to do. it would make me start arguments with her for no reason. i reallly let it get in the way. and now it’s like. it’s too late. for anything. it’s too fucking late B.

i don’t really know what else to say at this point. i don’t want to bore you all with this, and keep talking about how i need to get this back, because it seems impossible, i feel fucking helpless. i feel like my world as i know it has stopped. when i’m alone i’m the biggest mess, but when i’m with friends, it’s as if nothing’s changed. i don’t know why i’m acting like this. i’m going to florida in a week, and i’m going to france in a couple of months, but i’m sitting here flipping out over a love that probably will never come back.. i wish i could fight for her, but it seems like she doesn’t want to be fought for. it’s easy for her to tell me to be calm and to take it easy, when she’s not going through what i’m going through B. she’s told me that when we first broke up she went through the same thing, but i can only help but wonder like did she REALLY feel the same way i’m feeling right now. did she feel like there was no way out. did she feel as if her world stopped dead in its tracks and quit moving?

i’m not sure what i’m going to do at this point, and honestly if i could just rip every single emotion out of my heart and mind right now, i would, just to be numb and feel nothing, just to find that nirvana of peace where i don’t cry, i don’t feel depressed, i don’t smile, i don’t laugh, i don’t do anything, i just exist, and that’s all i need.

i don’t know what i’m trying to say. i don’t. i just know i love you and that i’m losing my mind as i know it because you’re gone.

waiting-for-something—beautiful:

am i the only person who dies laughing when i see that state farm commercial with the old guy with the dollar on his fishing line?

oooooooooh i gotcha a dollar!

oooooh gotta be quicker than that! 

i don’t really know how to express shit right now.

i think the sooner i graduate, the better.. i need to get away from everything for a while..

follow up.

@lonzcityy.

non preoccuparvi , non mordo, solo se volete che ci faccia. :D